our Bodies are a gift...

9-13-2010
I have had some inspirational moments today....

We have been taught since we were young that our bodies are gifts from God, and that they are temples. We are supposed to take care of our bodies and love and respect them.  I am not sure why or when I lost sight of this gift. All I know is that somewhere along the way I started to hate me and my body.   I let that hate grow, I let it dictate who I was/am. I can’t say that I did this intentionally. I don’t know why I can’t see me as my Heavenly Father sees me. I mean I really hate me, my body everything about me. Okay so Hate is a strong word so lets say strongly Dislike! Then today I sat and listened to Brother Vance speak at my dear friend Kathy’s Mom’s funeral and it dawned on me that I was given this incredible gift from a very loving Heavenly Father and my reaction has been less than stellar. My reaction is the same as if I were to work really hard and long on a wonderful gift for a friend and when I give it to the friend I get a “gee thanks”. A better example would be of when I make a healthy yummy dinner for my family and my kids whine and complain of how gross it is. That is the appreciation I have been showing my Heavenly Father. I can imagine him being so hurt every time I think to myself “I hate my body.”

Today when we got home from the funeral I checked one of my favorite blogs and wouldn’t you know she posted something that really hit home to me…http://blog.cjanerun.com/2010/09/to-mom-dad-in-st-louis-i-grew-up-little.html

Wow! I think she wrote that just for me! I know she really didn’t, but it is almost exactly how I feel. I am always feeling like I am never enough. The things I do are never “grand.” I am just boring old me. Photographer “wanna-be”, nurse “wanna be,” home decorator “wanna-be,” runner “wanna-be,” the list can go on and on. I just want to make a difference to someone in this life! Then I came across something else that I know I was meant to read scroll down until you come to the picture with the little boy and the spilled fruit loops and read what his mom Stacy said.

http://beckyhiggins.com/blog/2010/09/shots-from-the-ground

I am sure you can see exactly why I needed to hear that.

Another thing that became clear to me is another gift from Heavenly Father. Agency. I have been given the opportunity to choose. I can choose to be happy or miserable. I can choose to learn to be a better mother, photographer, friend, runner or I can stay where I am. I can choose to get healthy or not. It is my choice.

I know becoming who I want to be isn’t going to happen over night. It is a life long process. I know I have to take one of my not so wonderful qualities and ask Heavenly Father to help me overcome it and then move on to the next. It is going to take a lot of work on my part. A lot!
It’s going to take me a lifetime to learn who and how to become that person that Heavenly Father knows
I WILL be. In Luke 1:37 it says… “For with God nothing shall be impossible.” That means I am not impossible. I can become who I am meant to be.

11/14/2011 Update:
{I found out late spring that my thyroid has been under active.  It really threw my body and mind out of whack!} I am still learning about who I am suppose to be.  I am still lost in all the chub that covers my body.  I am learning how to be CONSISTENT with myself and have decided that it is my biggest weakness!  I have learned a lot this last year with being the Beehive advisor in my ward.  I swear all the lessons I teach are for my benefit! It just goes to show Heavenly Father really does know what we need even when we are stubborn and don't deserve it!  I am so very thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who is so patient with me.   I am still learning to love me just the way I am.  I am still learning how to get healthier and more physically fit.  I have learned it isn't about perfection it is about PROGRESS.  It's about taking a few steps forward at a time and when you take a few back you don't throw in the towel.  So I am making progress {slowly} and one day I will be able to say that I am happy and okay with who I am and that I just ran a marathon!  Okay maybe a 10k.  I will leave the marathons to the "crazy" people! lol