scary things

update in pictures......

our Bodies are a gift...

9-13-2010
I have had some inspirational moments today....

We have been taught since we were young that our bodies are gifts from God, and that they are temples. We are supposed to take care of our bodies and love and respect them.  I am not sure why or when I lost sight of this gift. All I know is that somewhere along the way I started to hate me and my body.   I let that hate grow, I let it dictate who I was/am. I can’t say that I did this intentionally. I don’t know why I can’t see me as my Heavenly Father sees me. I mean I really hate me, my body everything about me. Okay so Hate is a strong word so lets say strongly Dislike! Then today I sat and listened to Brother Vance speak at my dear friend Kathy’s Mom’s funeral and it dawned on me that I was given this incredible gift from a very loving Heavenly Father and my reaction has been less than stellar. My reaction is the same as if I were to work really hard and long on a wonderful gift for a friend and when I give it to the friend I get a “gee thanks”. A better example would be of when I make a healthy yummy dinner for my family and my kids whine and complain of how gross it is. That is the appreciation I have been showing my Heavenly Father. I can imagine him being so hurt every time I think to myself “I hate my body.”

Today when we got home from the funeral I checked one of my favorite blogs and wouldn’t you know she posted something that really hit home to me…http://blog.cjanerun.com/2010/09/to-mom-dad-in-st-louis-i-grew-up-little.html

Wow! I think she wrote that just for me! I know she really didn’t, but it is almost exactly how I feel. I am always feeling like I am never enough. The things I do are never “grand.” I am just boring old me. Photographer “wanna-be”, nurse “wanna be,” home decorator “wanna-be,” runner “wanna-be,” the list can go on and on. I just want to make a difference to someone in this life! Then I came across something else that I know I was meant to read scroll down until you come to the picture with the little boy and the spilled fruit loops and read what his mom Stacy said.

http://beckyhiggins.com/blog/2010/09/shots-from-the-ground

I am sure you can see exactly why I needed to hear that.

Another thing that became clear to me is another gift from Heavenly Father. Agency. I have been given the opportunity to choose. I can choose to be happy or miserable. I can choose to learn to be a better mother, photographer, friend, runner or I can stay where I am. I can choose to get healthy or not. It is my choice.

I know becoming who I want to be isn’t going to happen over night. It is a life long process. I know I have to take one of my not so wonderful qualities and ask Heavenly Father to help me overcome it and then move on to the next. It is going to take a lot of work on my part. A lot!
It’s going to take me a lifetime to learn who and how to become that person that Heavenly Father knows
I WILL be. In Luke 1:37 it says… “For with God nothing shall be impossible.” That means I am not impossible. I can become who I am meant to be.

11/14/2011 Update:
{I found out late spring that my thyroid has been under active.  It really threw my body and mind out of whack!} I am still learning about who I am suppose to be.  I am still lost in all the chub that covers my body.  I am learning how to be CONSISTENT with myself and have decided that it is my biggest weakness!  I have learned a lot this last year with being the Beehive advisor in my ward.  I swear all the lessons I teach are for my benefit! It just goes to show Heavenly Father really does know what we need even when we are stubborn and don't deserve it!  I am so very thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who is so patient with me.   I am still learning to love me just the way I am.  I am still learning how to get healthier and more physically fit.  I have learned it isn't about perfection it is about PROGRESS.  It's about taking a few steps forward at a time and when you take a few back you don't throw in the towel.  So I am making progress {slowly} and one day I will be able to say that I am happy and okay with who I am and that I just ran a marathon!  Okay maybe a 10k.  I will leave the marathons to the "crazy" people! lol

we are still alive....

 It has been such a long time since I have had any desire to blog.  Sorry! I do need to do better because this is where most of my journaling is for my family.  I have a ton to catch up on!   So here are a few things to catch you up until I can actually do a major up date.....  J is now a deacon!  B brought home her report card today... STRAIGHT A's!!!!  A's soccer team is going to tournament their first game will be on Saturday!  Go Galaxy!  K is spunky right now!  Could it be because he will be getting baptized soon?  JC is in kindergarten and is loving it (except the waking up in the morning part) and little E is not my baby anymore.  Sigh He is out of his crib and will be potty training as soon as I get the gumption to do it!

We had an awesome summer!  We bought a boat!  Who would have thought that would have ever happened?  Not us! But it did and we had a blast!  It is now put away for winter.  Sad

We took a trip to SLC to see family.  That was a lot of fun and too short.  We miss them lots but are looking forward to (hopefully) seeing a couple of people for K's baptism this winter.

I will make more of an effort to keep this updated and I have a bunch more to post but at least you know we are alive!

Another one "leaves" the nest....

Soon another baby leaves the nest... but just for a test flight! Today I register #5 for Kindergarten.  I remember registering #1 for Kindergarten and thinking how young he was and how could he possibly be old enough to go to school.  Now I can't wait to get #5 signed up!  Not that I don't love my #5 but she needs the structure and the interaction that you get at school.  (I am not a structured person I have always struggled with that).  I know when the actual day comes and the bus leaves with her on it I will be sad and I will miss her.  She has been my little shadow these last couple years since her big bro has been in school.   She is so cute... she is almost always signing, drawing me a picture, making her dad a million "presents".  There won't be as much of that around here once she is in school.  On the other hand with only one at home for a few hours I might actually accomplish something.  Ha Ha  who am I kidding? I will be left home with Mr. Destructive.  I will be lucky to get a shower!

Blogging.... what's that?

I used to be the best journal keeper.  Not that I would want anyone to read any of them (not even my kids and not even when I die).  So you would think that I would be loving the whole blogging thing.  Such a fun way to journal our life.  Which is why I started, that and so my far away family could see what we are up to.  I think if I could figure out how to make my posts a little more fun in the design, font, color area I would like it and do it more.  Guess I better add it to my never ending to-do list!

Here's some of the latest....

This dude turned 7!! Isn't he's just so handsome?! He is growing up to be such a good boy.  He really has a sweet spirit and I am so thankful he is in our family.  I sometimes think of what life would be like with out my last 3 kids and I can't imagine life without them (okay maybe sometimes I can but it usually doesn't last long).  This dude loves sports and I can't wait to watch him play baseball this spring.  

We had a great Christmas.  P surprised me with a new bike.  I can't wait for it to warm up so I can use it (I think).  I have been left behind for way too many years because I didn't have one so it will be good to be able to go and ride with the fam.  I think the kids favorite part of Christmas was the Nerf gun fight.  It just may become a tradition around here.

January is OVER wahoo!  In January I become a widow to the Detroit Auto Show and it is such a long boring month.  I have jokingly told P that he might want to tell his boss he won't have a wife to come home to if he has to do another one.  He didn't think I was very funny.

This baby boy is now a two year old!  Sometimes I miss this sweet baby of mine.   He is still super cute but he is into EVERYTHING!  He has colored on more walls than all of the other kids put together!  He has become some what of a mamas boy especially at bed time.  He still loves to snuggle and fall asleep next to me.  Which I love, it is one of the only times he will stop long enough to be loved on.

(sorry his 2nd birthday pics are still on the camera so I don't have them to post tonight)

Pity Party of one.... I have had a bad attitude for a long time about a lot of things.  I don't mean to be this way but it happens embarrassingly more so than not.  For a long time I have felt like I am sort of left behind.  P gets to do so many things.  He is living one of his dreams.  He is not here knee deep in mud (yes that is how I feel every night between 3 and 9pm & that is putting it the nice way) and it is so Hard not having him home to share the responsibilities.  I feel like I am spread paper thin and I feel guilty most of the time because I can't give everyone including him the attention they need but at the end of the day or years which ever way you want to look at it it turns out I am the lucky one.  As I was scrolling through our pictures tonight I thought if I was off saving the world there is so much I would have missed and miss out on.  I remember when I worked away from home and all I wanted was to be home.  I really am so blessed to be able to stay home with these guys and I need to do a better job of embracing what I do.  Time is already flying by & they will all be flying out of the nest before I know it.  (phew LOL)  I just need a major attitude adjustment (daily).  

I really want to go back to this place ....

Right now I am sitting in my room listening to the rain pour onto my house.  Cozy but definitely not Hawaii!